Well, the title speaks for itself really. Cant remember the last time was on here but it must be going for 2 years easily. Not something i have had a lot of time to write on if im honest but at the same time in all honesty id forgotten all about the place!. Some things never change, some do, & sadly most change for the worst.

So how re things going?, difficult one to answer that. from a materialistic viewpoint i guess to the outside world everything looks great, good job, girlfriend, part of an active church, & with what looks like a big circle of friends around me. All well & good, but do all of these things contributre to an inner happiness that cant be erased?. I dont think that they can.

Inner peace is something that seems to be as unachievable as ever. Sure things might look great to the outer eye but what goes on internally is quite often the opposite of what other people see. The amount of people i know who are struggling with different issues is unbelievable & it does make one look at ones own life. There is no denying that our internal struggles are quite often a result of our own mistakes but it also goes hand in hand with the truth that sometimes the actions of others can bring us to the point we are at in our lives at the minute.

I am more than happy to take responsibility for my own mess ups but i find it difficult to handle why things dont look like they are going to improve.  Why is it that having been given a vision by God of what he wants me to do for him im still not seeing that coming to fruition nearly 20 years into being saved?. Am i even saved or am i just living the life of a fraud as that what it feels like most of the time?. I have never claimed to be perfect so why is it that i feel perfection is something that people expect from me?. I can not & never will be perfect. With that in mind why is it that things have gone so badly wrong as they have done?. Why is it that 20 years after being saved i feel further away from God now than i ever did?. The days of spending hours reading the Bible & other Theological books seem to be long gone & this leaves a void that just cannot be filled. The church seems to have changed now too to the point where Jesus isnt the focus anymore but speaking in tongues & being filled with the Holy Spirit are the be all & end all of everything!. That is NOT the Gospel i was brought up with. ' I am the way the truth & the life' is what Jesus said & so why has the focus shifted?. maybe its just me being cynical in my middle age.

Anyway my rant has gone on long enough so i will bid all a good night.

 

Nigel